CTR LEGACY THREAD
Moderators: TheBigSleep, stype_ones, Philaflava
motherfuck, i missed this shit.
sorry guys. i been in and out and now sumemr school started, bah.
y'all both came with heat though. It sucks that it took so long to get to the last round, cause I think with the momentum both guys had this battle would have been even doper.
huge props to both finalists.
HOLLA!
sorry guys. i been in and out and now sumemr school started, bah.
y'all both came with heat though. It sucks that it took so long to get to the last round, cause I think with the momentum both guys had this battle would have been even doper.
huge props to both finalists.
HOLLA!
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This Poem Needs A Title
I miss you
But being with you became an issue
Late nights parked in one place
As we started to get a taste
Of those moments so sour yet colorful
It was wonderful
And I couldn't begin to describe the way I felt about you then
You knew I lied, it was true I was screwing other women
Tearing the fabric of our trust and spinning deceptive cobwebs
Where lies and lust marked the beginning of our problems
It was too far between to value yet I held the light to see in
These rusty justifications were all I had, you were a fly human being
So now you're gone and I remember that September
When we laughed and watched the leaves morph into mahogany
Your words and the way you said them got to me
It was food for afterthought because after I thought about what you told me
The concept came to my conscience slowly
"Jezebel oh jezebel," you lambasted me with your brand of blasphemy
And I deserved every word of your sermon
Looking down below I saw what we shared
And all along you really thought I never cared
You were the cause of my growth and the creator of my crossroads
Even when I was drunk as fuck and at a loss for words
You sang like an angel when I was a prison of my own purgatory
I'd tell you how much you meant to me but you already heard the story
Really, this poem needs a title. Post your ideas and I will make a choice by the end of the week. Peace.
Last edited by Kid B on Mon May 16, 2005 1:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
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i am jesus in pill form
i am jesus in pill form
swallow me and i will save u
i promise
let's commit ourselves to a covenant
What if jesus was stillborn?
Who would save u then?
Who would convince u water was wine
inebriate u with flattering tales
and teach u to be meek?
The music is more important than the sermon,
Said the pastor to the puppet.
swallow me and i will save u
i promise
let's commit ourselves to a covenant
What if jesus was stillborn?
Who would save u then?
Who would convince u water was wine
inebriate u with flattering tales
and teach u to be meek?
The music is more important than the sermon,
Said the pastor to the puppet.
Re: 16 for an upcoming shit talking track
[quote="theaggravatedjew"]I
Re: Angst Is Also A Five-Letter Word Meaning Haste
That's my favorite part. It's great, I love it.Kid B wrote:Writers never die and sometimes they fly right over your head
And drop shit that'll prompt you to discover a watershed
hopps wrote:i also think mindbender wastes way too much time on this message board. i think he should never come here again. seriously, man.
Yes.Nowell's Soul wrote:Myjah wrote: Yo, if your vocab is big enough for all those words it could make sense.Myjah wrote: Sucks no one here is appreciative...Myjah wrote: habe been too spoild with having the my NYU class critrique shit instead of you idiots...You serious?Myjah wrote: Well atleast this message board isn't 100% populated by morons.
No one here gives any sort of real constructive review. They just say "this is shit" and move on. They don't even know how to actually say anything intelligent about the poem--whether what they say is good or bad. Sorry, but most of you are morons.
Yes.Nowell's Soul wrote:Myjah wrote: Yo, if your vocab is big enough for all those words it could make sense.Myjah wrote: Sucks no one here is appreciative...Myjah wrote: habe been too spoild with having the my NYU class critrique shit instead of you idiots...You serious?Myjah wrote: Well atleast this message board isn't 100% populated by morons.
The majority of people here don't give any sort of real constructive review. They just say "this is shit" and move on. They don't even know how to actually say anything intelligent about the poem--whether what they say is good or bad. Sorry, but most of you are morons.
Reason is Yellow was really the only one who said anything very thoughtful.
Re: Angst Is Also A Five-Letter Word Meaning Haste
All of the rhymes are extreamly predictable line ending ones. It doesn't really follow a meter and sounds odd in parts.
word myjah, I need to rethink my life priorities and get a job at the mill and quit prancing around with my forced faux intellect. this sucks, I'm about to turn 25 and just found out I'm retarded and unable read, much less comprehend poetry. you're a life saver myjah, I don't know how I can thank you enough for this life altering observation. at least I can still talk about sports, intelligence is not a prerequisite for that, just ask Doug Collins.
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Re: 16 for an upcoming shit talking track
[quote="BeHemoth"][quote="theaggravatedjew"]I
Ehh. Don't be so quick to pass judgment on the critics My. If you browse again you might see some constructive critiques. BTW I peeped your website and found a couple of nice short pieces you wrote. Reminds me of my old style when I wrote quick and to the point haikustyle.Myjah wrote:Yes.Nowell's Soul wrote:Myjah wrote: Yo, if your vocab is big enough for all those words it could make sense.Myjah wrote: Sucks no one here is appreciative...Myjah wrote: habe been too spoild with having the my NYU class critrique shit instead of you idiots...You serious?Myjah wrote: Well atleast this message board isn't 100% populated by morons.
The majority of people here don't give any sort of real constructive review. They just say "this is shit" and move on. They don't even know how to actually say anything intelligent about the poem--whether what they say is good or bad. Sorry, but most of you are morons.
Reason is Yellow was really the only one who said anything very thoughtful.
Still Emcee's Are Crying, we take it Back to the Basics//PHRO1 wrote:I NEVER HAD TIME 2 LISTEN TO GRIME,Kid B wrote:Ample parking any time so go own down
To Red Bank and meet some friends of mine
There's Kathy she's an artist and Chad can rhyme
Dan is a comedian, and Rebecca listens to grime
BUT I DO STAY GRIMEY AN COME WITH GREAT TIMING
MOST MUTHA FUCKERS NOW A DAYS IS NICKEL AN DIMING
I WAS BLESSED FROM THE BIRTH WITH ABILITY IN RHYMING/
Okay kids? Show the whole Game Quick what Game is..//
I'm Spittin that Flame if I Spit It an Quicken the Pace it's..//
Like a virus a rogue machine Slipped in the Matrix//
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Big Poppa spit docta get bread that thick matzaKid B wrote:Guess who's coming to dinner?
The ghost of Yul Brenner haggard from the winter
And he's rappin karaoke with Clu and LaLa
Some big band swing version of Big Poppa
never see me on the streets with dough
strong arm gorilla pimp when i beat a ho
purpose is purple lips i mistreat a ho
I am not saying it's the best poem ever, or even good, I will admit that most deffinetly. I wrote it in about 10 minutes. But considering most of these so called "critiques" were pretty much just insults or meaningless (like "can tell you haven't done tis in awhile", pompous bastard I write poetry all the time, I just don't post it here because my life does not revolve around Philaflava like it does for so many of you; or Peeping Tom's misinterpretation and mocking of my poem; or all the stupid one line comments that really say nothing) I think I have every right to say you people suck at reading/critiquing poetry. Reason is Yellow pointed out things he ddn't like about the poem, but he didn't have to be insulting. Maybe all you people can critique are rap songs/flows, but I certainly hope that you guys don't always give such worthless responses to those too.BeHemoth wrote:word myjah, I need to rethink my life priorities and get a job at the mill and quit prancing around with my forced faux intellect. this sucks, I'm about to turn 25 and just found out I'm retarded and unable read, much less comprehend poetry. you're a life saver myjah, I don't know how I can thank you enough for this life altering observation. at least I can still talk about sports, intelligence is not a prerequisite for that, just ask Doug Collins.
Bah, serves me right for posting anything at this message board.
Meter is something like the rhythm of a poem, or a consistant rhythm of iambs. In a poem like this, where all the rhymes are line-ending ones, it can sound sort of odd when all the lines are of different lengths and syllables and iambs. It is harder to detect when reading to yourself, much easier to detect when reading outloud. Anyway, it's not like a requirement but I thin the poem could be well strengthened with a more consistent meter.Kid B wrote:Thanks y'all. I don't anything about meter, but maybe that's cadence you speak of My, what parts are predictable to you? This isn't the finished draft so I'm open to change shit if needed.
Re: i am jesus in pill form
I read it a couple times... thought provoking. The first stanza makes me think of anti-depressants, and the second seems to be comparing them to religion (christianity). The third stanza I haven't figured out. I'm als not quite sure why you chose to use the letter u instead of the word you.
Nope, I don't do dope
I try to cope with life
by tying my sights to a simple hope that I might
some day or some night
come to stay at peace with the first morning light
Some call it a hopeless fight
Depending on dumb luck with the roll of a dice
Staying stuck no more than a few meters from shore
Afraid to seek comfort with the lovers of war or the whores of vice
so I'll keep slicing till I reach the core
through a shell of numbness in life
I try to cope with life
by tying my sights to a simple hope that I might
some day or some night
come to stay at peace with the first morning light
Some call it a hopeless fight
Depending on dumb luck with the roll of a dice
Staying stuck no more than a few meters from shore
Afraid to seek comfort with the lovers of war or the whores of vice
so I'll keep slicing till I reach the core
through a shell of numbness in life